What is so wrong with life? I can't seem to do anything right to even please myself anymore. I was happy when I was talking to Mike..people said so. Problem is, he never told me he was still married. I mean he is getting a divorce but still..he didn't tell me. Daniel did. And now Tyler makes me more happy than I've been in awhile. But I'm scared.

I'm making the biggest step in my life..on November 15th I move to San Diego. I know one person, and I don't know what I'm going to do. It's closer than North Carolina, but it still seems so far away. I want to go, but I'm so scared. This is so dumb. I wish I could just make up my mind.

I am allergic to this thing called life.

I need a new job.



Anywhere.



Anything.



A seriously do. It's bad when you are thinking about running your car off a cliff because you have to go work.



Save me.

I got my new car. It's amazing. And better than yours.

I hate it when I sit on the bottom of the shower..I think..about good things, bad things, the past, present, and future. I hate her so much. But I can't help but wish I was her too. She has it all...I have the one thing that keeps me alive..Jesse. She has so much more. I hate it. DUMB.

Moo.

KK

Tomorrow is going to be an amazing day. I get my new car. A chevy Cavalier. I'm so excited. And it's prom. And it's my day off. Omg, I am going to die of happiness tomorrow. YAY NEW CAR. :)

I can't wait to move out. Cuz when I move into Jesse's, we get a puppy!!

Okay, that's all.

KK

i'm selling my old formal dresses, know anyone that wants them, let me know.

My mom is so dumb sometimes. I'm so tired of always trying to please her and make things good for her and have to sacrifice my own independence to do that. GAH!!!

I got my prom dress. :) I'm excited. And also, I got a mini fridge for sale. Stainless Steel and black, brand new. $150. Call me if you would like to see.

KK

I found the PERFECT prom dress today. But I had no money to put the down payment on it. I need $140.00 for it to be held until Saturday, which I had $2 on me. It was so dumb. So I'm gonna try and convince my mom to let me go at 10:30 tomorrow to get money out of my bank and go pay for it. I'm so excited!!

It really has been forever this time!!! Almost an entire year..stupid myspace. :) I'll be back more often now though. I'm going to look at an apartment on 6th street in Clarkston in about 20 minutes. I'm excited. It's onle $275/mo and it excepts cats. I can't wait. Jesse is at work so he can't look at it with me, but I'm gonna take my camara and let him see the pictures. The lady I talked said it was gonna need a little cleaning up, but I'm okay with that since its $75 cheaper than our top budget. I can't wait to look at it. I hope I get it. We need this apartment. We need this break this time.

KK

Edit: That apartment in Clarkston is a huge giant freaking NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. If you can think of a crack house, that would have been an upgrade. It was horrible! I didn't even go inside. It scared the hell out of me. We just drove by.

I have been talking to the guy from the Justice Apartments, it is $465 a month, but it has elecricity, heat, air conditioning, w/s/g, and cooking fuel included. So essentially all we would have to pay is cable and our cell phones. I hope he emails me back soon. I really like them, a lot!

KK

so basically, i got four detentions today, all at the same time. here is the story: I was sitting is geology with Mrs. Madison when she put up this overhead of geologic layers and such stuff, fun stuff, let me tell you, anyways, the layers were in order by numbers of oldest to youngest. she was like "kathy can you tell me the oldest rock layer please?" and me, being well, me said "i dont know, how about the one that says '1'?" so she got pissy and gave me detention, but i dont really care at all because it was a funny matter that got me there. hehe

on a less happy note, my mom was taken to hospital today. she got so stressed that she had this attack thing. shes doing better now, shes sitting on the couch, they drew her blood sent her home, so it wasnt this huge deal. but it was still really scary to get the call at school telling me my mom was in the hospital and i wasnt suppossed to worry about. okay tell me one thing, how is any normal (well in my case semi-normal) suppossed to not worry when they were told their mom was in the hospital, i mean really. come the freak on.

dance tryouts are going okay, i suck at the routines she is teaching us though. but the one besty marisa and i are making up are coming along pretty well. i like it so far. we only have a couple counts to go. its amazing. we are doing it Ushers "yeah!". wooot.

anyways, i should go to bed, well do my tiny bit of homework ask my mom if she needs anything THEN go to bed. oh yeah, throw a shower in there somewhere too. anyways, good night all.

p.s.

mac and cheese = cheesy goodness

its been way to long since i've been on here. its kinda weird. i was gonna go back and read all of the things i missed, but i havnt been on since jan. 2nd and i pretty much know everything there is to know.

Katy: someone took your movie, i get paid this weekend and ill go buy you another one, maybe even on DVD! wooo yay for DVD. a lot better than nasty VHS. gay VHS. and i realize you may still hate me, i mean at one point you wanted me to die, but get over it. its the past. i was confused and was trying to help two friends. youre right about everything you said about him though, he isnt that trustworthy. i mean, most men arnt. stupid fuckers, but im washing your swimsuit tonight and sweater tomorrow, since they were in my nasty bedroom. and i will have them for you either sunday or monday. im not sure which yet. much love.

and on the next note, i left dominos. creepy shit went on with the workers there, it was, well, creepy. then worked at baskin robins for, four days, then shit went down that i dont even know about and i got fired. i now work at arbys, and i absolutly love it. i love it so much its weird. i vowed i wouldnt ever work in fast food and its probably the best job ive had so far. its so amazing. the people there are so nice. and they are always so happy. i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh yeah, I LOVE JESSE KNIGHT! <3 fights may be fights, but i still love him. he is amazing and is the best thing to ever happen to me. if he was to leave i would probably die. okay, i would die.

you know what i dont understand? the stupid friends that are like "omg i have a boyfriend i have to ditch my friends for the rest of my life" i mean at the begginning of the relationship, for like the first day, its all good. but this far down the road is just fucking stupid. its called making changes to hang out with both of them. even if you hate us because most of us dont like him.

yeah, food is done. and im starvng. yay food!!

havnt updated in a loooong time. so yeah. hi.

might be dropping out of highschool. jesse and i still have to go to the college and get all the info about it and stuff. i would take this class at the college for a semester and get my highschool diploma thinger and start college in the fall. please dont lecture me on how this could ruin my life and blah blah blah..ive heard it all. and it was my moms idea, so get off me. im tired of dealing with the shit at the highschool and this is a way..a dramatic way..but a way to deal with it. there are really only like 2 people i cant deal with and since in sank so low as to send one of them a begging messege on myspace to leave me alone and niether of them will..it will at least be on them at the dropped out.

I was in the newspaper! hehe. Betsys aunt(?) interviewed me about people that make min. wage. it was awsome. i still havnt read it..anyone have a copy of saturdays newspaper? or something.. yeah.

my mom and i have been fighting, whats new though? for all that dont know, we have a new roomate and her name is tammie. she is like my aunt. and almost 6 months pregnant..so when this baby comes..life is going to be hell..since ill be the one mostly taking care of it since she will be working a full time and a part time job..and my mom a full time job and full time school. woot. oh well..as long as it doesnt call me mommy..we will all be good. dont want the mommy thing for a few more years..

jesse and i are still together, 3 months today. yay! he practically lives here, which is all good by me. but his friends still call him and want to hang out..

ive been let out of a lot of stuff these days i guess..people getting together and hanging out and everything..people i thought were my friends, and that means something, because i dont consider people my friends. im still here..and a call or an IM would be amazing..for all of you that forgot..my name is Kathy.

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is
the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining
the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another
houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around
their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try
this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and
repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless
body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and
condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no
good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time
however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - Thre was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I
was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer.." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more
than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the
other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them
regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.......

haha

remember the whole issue we had awhile back with speaking my mind? well because i decided to say what people on the dance team said to me, which i also found to be true, i get bitched at. stupid whores.

and if i didnt care about the dance team, then why did i send a petition around my 1st, 2nd, and 3rd hour classes and beg kristina for an extra copy she had made. and write a letter so jackass himself? the only reason i quit was because i dont like nicole. ill say it straight out. from what i saw she can't do shit and i wasnt going to put up with the drama of everyone freaking out again. it was fun for a year..then it turned into a job where i didnt get paid. hate me if you want, then hate 1/2 your dance team. its one fucking semester. deal with it.

I can't do it anymore.

I'm tired of it. I can't be perfect. I tried. For my mom, for my grandma, for my friends, for the rest of the family, for my boyfriend, for his family, for his friends. I can't do it. It's to hard. If I'm perfect for one person I'm not to the rest of you all. I can't pick sides anymore. I can't pretend anymore. I just can't do it anymore. It's made me focus to much on others..when I need to be focusing on me. On MY grades, on MY job, and MY life. Not your grades, or your job or your life. MINE. To some of you this may make me sound like all I care about is me me me. But if that's true, then why have I been trying to be perfect for the rest of you. There are only two people I can be myself in front of. Where I know I'm perfect, and I couldn't ever do anything. Jessi and Jesse. To many times have I tried for you guys and failed. I'm not trying anymore. I can't take it. I'm going insane. I have to be a different person depending on who I'm with. I have to the perfect, never drank, never smoked, never cut, never had sex grandaughter. I have to be the innocent daughter to my dad. The daughter that never does anything wrong to my mom. The neice who sets the example. To many people expect to much from me..And I can't do it. I just can't do it.

So I went to wal-mart, and there was a lot of cops. i followed them around..because im snoopy and they trapped this lady..who had to have been like 35..36 and started pulling clothes and make-up and everything out of her purse and pocket..how stupid can one get?

oh grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!! i hate people!!!! this is what they make me do!

brealynn,
stop fucking talking about me to tyler. holy fucking shit leave me the hell alone. you know, i dont get whatever it is i did to you to call me all the nasty names, but lets just drop it already..holy shit..its called moving on..learn the lesson..and fucking fast.


omg she pisses me off...a lot..i hate her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so..sometime while hitting my snooze button this morning, i turned my alarm off..and woke up at 1/4 to 11 when my mom called asking why i wasnt at school. so im at home, in a bad mood because we dont have bread and i want a penutbutter and jelly sandwich. so im gonna go make on..on a hotdog bun i think..so call me up at home..798-7264 since my mom still wont give me back my cell phone.